It’s been a while!…. It’s probably been over a year since I’ve posted on my blog, so first let me say I’m sorry for neglecting you it’s been quite the year for me to say the least! Now that I’ve had a chance to regroup a little, I am hoping to make a few changes in this blog and renew my commitment to posting regularly and with complete transparency.
The new and improved blog is about new beginnings which is precisely where I am in my life right now and where I imagine many people find themselves currently. Nearly a year ago my ex-husband and I made the difficult decision to separate, neither of us had been happy for a long time. I think traveling through Europe last summer really allowed me to see how truly unhappy I was. I came home wanting more in my life, I wanted to feel valued and special to the person I was with, and I knew I had a ton of self-loving to do.
In March, I moved from the beautiful new big house on the hill into a small, old, and cozy townhouse that screams divorcee. The first few nights in my new home felt very bipolar, one second I was blissfully happy with my new found space and then the next moment it was the sheer terror of “What have I done!?” This went on for weeks, but my gut still told me I made the right choice and that I was a strong woman who would be able to manage being a single mom just fine.
I had to figure out how to juggle all of the children and their various schedules while still finding quiet moments to reflect on myself and my life so far. I’ve had to learn to be gentle with myself and forgiving when I think of the many mistakes I’ve made in the past. In all honesty, this isn’t my first failed marriage, but my third and I never wanted to find myself in this place ever again. Sometimes you have to value yourself enough to know when its time to walk away and while I have moments where I feel ashamed of having failed at marriage more than once I have to stop apologizing for myself and my flaws. Marriage is a two-way street, and I am not looking to blame anyone, I know I have my share of guilt in these failures but all I can do is learn from them and be the best version of myself I can be moving forward.
So much has changed for me in the last few months, I’ve grown and evolved in some pretty surprising ways. I’ve discovered that most people aren’t there for you when you need them and that expectation only leads to disappointment. I’ve had to rely on myself making me a stronger person, and learn that self-love is what will get you through in the end. You must learn to love yourself because at the end of the day you are the only person you can count on. Everyone else is busy fighting their own battles.
I’m no longer afraid of being on my own and am embracing it with open arms, should someone one day come into my life and fit into the chaos beautifully I am open to that, but I am done putting myself out there for now. I refuse to give any more pieces of myself to anyone who doesn’t value me. I wish I had learnt this earlier in my life, so perhaps it’s something someone reading this will take into their heart and mind.
From now on, this blog is about transparency; it’s about reclaiming life and learning to fall in love with one’s self. This blog is about what works for me as a single mother of six; it’s about finding happiness in minimalism, it’s about zero waste living, vegan food, and general hippie stuff I think will be of value to my readers. So if you’re a busy mom, a single mom, a stay at home mom, a hippie, a vegan, a citizen of planet earth then there should be something here for you!
My commitment to you and to myself is to write twice a week and just see where it goes. I’ve missed you guys!
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